Restoration of Spirit

Restore Your Home, Restore Your Spirit!

I feel like my head is going to explode. I have been doing so much and on so little sleep that I can't remember what I read in my research versus what I've talked about or what I've actually written. Did I say that, write that or hear it? Then there's did I email that, respond or tell so and so that? I'm losin' it. Everything is blending together. I'm afraid I might repeat myself or write something I've already written! I think that's what editing is for. However, I'm not going back and reading previous days writings. This is all about moving forward while of coarse remaining completely alert in the present moment! Ha. This is real life, don't we need to move at mach speed sometimes? Even if things all start to blur together? Then to top it off, I got sick. Not just from lack of sleep and over-exertion but because something is going around. Add congestion to the blurry brain and I'm totally numb. Calgon, take me away.....

I don't feel like doing anything, other than snuggling up in a pink blanket, eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's (It's for the sore throat, people!) and watching a good chick movie. That trio is called total submersion. The only problem is that I don't own a pink blanket and I haven't had any ice cream in the house for at least 74 days. But who's counting! I might watch Eat, Pray, Love, another trio, however casting Julia Roberts who goes from one cute guy, to the next, to the next is not my idea of total submersion, more like total denial! Let's get real. The movie was based on a true story. A true story about a homely looking writer, who goes from a dead beat, to a New Age dork to a bald, old dude. Most of us don't have to travel around the globe to find that. Some of us are already married to one. (Not me, of coarse. Sorry, gals. Wait till you see whom they cast in my movie!) Now I know we like to live vicariously through movies but wouldn't we feel better if we saw the truth? And who felt sorry for Julia Roberts when she "couldn't fit" into her skinny jeans. Bitch.

Back to feeling numb. Isn't that what we do to ourselves when we don't measure up? Or we want to cover up some other negative feeling or just escape? We use food, including Ben & Jerry's, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, sex or work to forget our misery. Other ways we numb are by making everything certain, taking the mystery out of life, making everything right and wrong, black and white, blame, perfectionism and through pretending and not being honest with ourselves. However, what we don't realize is that when we numb our negative feelings, we are also numbing our positive feelings like love, joy and fulfillment. We simply can't selectively numb. We end up numbing everything. Sometimes we don't care and we have a temporary numb fest, just get sick, have an emergency to deal with or do an intense 100 day challenge! Isn't that when we just need a good chick movie or a real Calgon moment?

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Comment by Janet Kohl on December 6, 2010 at 10:03pm
You really are pregnant! I've been there, big time!! I can so relate! Sounds like labor pains. You need support and friends with wine, laying on the couch with you! Having someone say, "YOU CAN DO IT" is huge. A support group with an accountability piece. Think labor coach!
Comment by Kristen McCall on December 6, 2010 at 7:47am
Hey Janet! Take care of yourself. A little pampering can go along way.

Numb.... hmmmm. That's just the word that was floating around my brain at 4 am. Why do I feel so numb? I know what I want to do and how to get there. I'm really feeling inspired again (thanks Janet!) but, for most of the day, I just couldn't do anything for myself. I was fine tending to my kids and running errands but, when I had the time I just lay on my sofa starring a the ceiling. I told myself "I'll get to it. Just give yourself some time to relax." Well, later came and went. Not because I was too busy, because I couldn't move. I just couldn't do it. So I went to sleep.... then I woke up at 4 am with the question - why do I feel so numb? My back hurt and my stomach hurt... really something in me hurts. Something in me is so afraid to have what I want, to put myself "out there". Whether fear, anger or sadness numb me, is the only way through it to feel it fully? Of course the answer to that is, yes. Feel it - express it - move on. Maybe I'll give myself an 100 Day Challenge to find my way through my emotional blocks, define and work my creative process and end having birthed my baby.....

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