There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. That was my intention for today; to spend my life, my way. I am not here to please anyone else or to live in a way that someone else thinks is right or best. Besides, the world has enough doctors and lawyers and not enough creative geniuses.
Yesterday I hit some kind of a wall. I was totally depleted from writing and so exhausted. I don't know how that Julie chick worked a day job, shopped and cooked all of Julia Child's recipes and then wrote every day for a full year. I'm tapped out after a month! Granted she didn't have kids. I feel like I'm running a 100 mile race and I'm on mile 30. I've already completed a marathon but I have to keep going to finish. In running "hitting the wall" is a term used when the body runs out of glycogen stores in the muscle and the runner becomes delirious and literally loses control of the legs or body, frequently falling to the ground. Self doubt casts a deep shadow over the soul. On a basic level, it's running out of energy.
I had a bunch of set backs all in a row and I felt defeated and depleted. I doubted myself because of what other people were saying. The deep shadow was looming. However, I know that sometimes when we are on the brink it is exactly the time something incredible is about to happen, if we just keep on going. Oh, I lost a pound. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket right about now! I decided that this doesn't have to make sense to anyone but me. I like me and I get me even if no one else does. A friend once said to me, "It's never too late to start your day over." Meaning, just turn things around from where you are standing now, don't quit and march on.
In the Wizard of Oz there was one scene that was edited out that I found incredible. It takes place when Dorothy is locked in the witch's castle. She is all alone, totally frightened, feeling defeated and crying. She doesn't know what to do anymore. The hourglass is emptying and she is in a complete panic. Then she sings Over the Rainbow again, this time while choking back the tears. Locked up and possibly moments from dying she keeps her vision of blue skies and continues to dare to dream, even through those circumstances. She has no idea she is minutes from killing the witch and capturing the broomstick.
I decided to start each morning setting an intention for the day. Also, prior to each meeting or phone call, I can do the same thing. If something doesn't go as planned, I can stop and take a step back and reset, reminding myself of blue skies and my intention and start my day over.