It sucks not to be Buddha. Damn! Although it's about as much fun to say, "Damn!" as it is to eat chocolate. Did Buddha eat chocolate? Or just rice pudding? Maybe 49 days of meditation is what I need but I'd prefer the two weeks on the beach with pina coladas and a dude named Javier. I think I've also discovered the cause of suffering and how to overcome it. It's a new candy bar called Nirvana. It contains the four noble ingredients of sugar, cocoa, milk and nuts. I guarantee enlightenment after just one bite! Goes well with red wine, if you want to mix in the blood of Christ for a truly Holy experience!
OK, I'm totally conscious that I'm not feeling very connected so I am looking for outside solutions, hence the chocolate fantasy. I didn't feel like writing, the weather sucked, I'm tired and started getting paranoid about being a quarter of the way through the challenge but not accomplishing enough. I haven't lost any weight or earned a dime. I tried just feeling the feelings and convincing myself that life is not about accomplishment. Although I get it, I don't feel better. I chalk it up and just accept the day for what is. Tomorrow could be a whole different experience. I know if I just accept and have faith, it will all work out. I can only do what I know and then I need to turn it over to the forces that be. Life is a mystery. (A little positive reinforcement right about now wouldn't hurt though. Like a million hits on my YouTube video, for example or a winning lottery ticket, just to know God is really out there.)
In A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle he says, "The greatest achievement of humanity is not its works of art, science, or technology, but the recognition of its own dysfunction, its own madness." Well, according to him, I am a great success then! Wow, I feel better already! He then went on to talk about Buddha and the realization of one's own insanity is the arising of sanity and the beginning of healing. I know I'm wacky and I know that I feel better when I am connected and at peace. It's just that I can't always seem to magically get there with a Buddhaesque snap of the fingers. Some days I don't feel as connected or "on" and others, I do. It's OK. It can pass or I can take steps to reconnect and the rest isn't completely up to me. But until I figure it out there's instant Nirvana through chocolate.